7 Stages of Recovery: A Guide In Reconstructing Yourself After the Heart Break

Sabi, ang life parang circle lang yan. As in parang may routine tayong sinusundan. May start and may finish line. At sa bawat finish line, may start ulit. Parang love, we started single, get to know someone, like them, fall for them, hurt by them, hate them, forgive them, and let go of them, then we go back to being single again. and the routine repeats itself.


It's funny how a person who was once your world, your reason of waking up in the morning, the one you start and end your day with, your happiness, your reason of existence, has just turned into someone who says "HI!", or gives a smile or worse, most of the time had just become a familiar face. Sad no? But that's a fact. Nangyayari talaga. I know you too encountered this already. Like I did. Moving on, I find it very very difficult, surely you'll agree. Pero hindi natin pwede takasan 'yon. Like it or not it's part of Life, part of Love.


Recovering. Iba-iba tayo ng way ng pag recover. May iba dinadaan sa music, yung iba nagbabago ng hair do, may naghahanap ng comfort, meron din namang gustong sinasarili nalang. Merong sinusugatan sarili, andyan din yung mga gumaganti, meron napapasulat ng poem or nakakagawa ng kanta. Maraming way. Nasa sayo na yun, on how you want to mend your broken heart. Iba iba man ang way, tulad ng sinabi ko kanina, may routine parin tayong sinusundan. Sinubukan kong i-break down yung mga routine na yun. I just thought this might can help those people na pinagdadaanan palang yung ganitong sitwasyon. Here it is:




7 STAGES OF RECOVERY***

first stage: NUMB PHASE
Or denial stage. Ito yung part na kahit maraming tao na yung nakakapansin na there is something wrong, deny ka pa rin. Ayaw mong maniwala na may mali, ayaw mong makinig sa iba. You're trying so hard para paniwalain yung sarili mo na OK lang lahat. Pinaniniwala mo yung sarili mo na hindi ka nasasaktan sa mga nangyayari at sa mga HINDI nangyayari. At kung mapansin mo ngang may mali, iniisip mo nalang na "normal lang yan". Hindi mo pinapansin yung sakit, yung sinasabi ng ibang tao. For short, you become blind and deaf by love. You become numb.



second stage: RECOGNITION PHASE
In this phase you already know that something is not right. Something has to be discussed. You finally ended up with the realization na may problema nga sa inyo na hindi lang dapat balewalain. Your barrier na nabuo nung numb phase which makes you incapable of seeing and hearing what's really happening ay unti-unti nang nasisira. You'll start asking sa ibang tao kung tama pa ba yung nangyayari sa inyo ng partner mo. Naghahanap ka ng kakampi na magsasabing ikaw ang agrabiyado, at dahil dun lalung lalaki yung sira ng barrier mo.


third phase: INTERROGATION PHASE
You'll ask kung bakit kailangan pang mangyari yung mga ganito. Dalawa ang pwede mong isipin; una, minsan ka na nga lang magmahal mali pa, or pangalawa, bakit sa lahat ng minamahal mo laging nageend up ng hindi maganda.


fourth phase: EMOTIONAL PHASE
Dito yung mga sleepless nights, wet pillows, tsaka pakikinig sa mga slow music or senti mode. Babalikan mo yung mga times na nagsisimula palang kayo ng partner mo. maipag-cocompare mo yung dating kayo sa kayo ngaun. And admit it or not dito yung time na feeling mo hindi ka na makahinga kakaiyak! aminin..^^


fifth phase: ACCEPTANCE PHASE
Nothing is permanent in this world. Matatanggap mo na yung fact na yun. And you'll start to let go SLOWLY. very very slow. Why slow? kasi in the corner of your heart you are still hoping na mababalik pa ang lahat sa dati, na may chance pang magka-ayos kayo. Hahanap ka ng ibang outlet, ng ibang mapagbibigyan mo ng attention. Gaya ng work, organization, new friends, etc.


sixth phase: INDEPENDENT PHASE
Well, ndi ka naman actually magiging man-hater/woman-hater. Magsisink in lang sa mind mo at marerealize mo na you can leave alone. You don't need a partner, you don't need someone to be with you. Na mas maganda ang buhay single. Walang pipigil, walang magbabawal. You can enjoy hanggang gusto mo. And you will constantly say na, "I'm better of ALONE".


seventh phase: FINAL PHASE
Sa stage na toh, you've got over completely. Walang halong bitterness o kung ano pa man. You'll start to date again, you want to try to love again. And the circle goes on and on.
Ano? Nakarelate ka ba? It's ok to go in circles. Basta don't do the same mistake ever again. Learn from your mistakes, forgive those who hurt you and forgive yourself. Love is a gift, but it is also a responsibility. We maybe different from one another, but one thing is for sure. In some point of your life you will Love someone completely more than you can ever imagine, and most of the time you'll be hurt, and you'll be surprised that the people who hurt you are the people you have love the most.