Confessions of a Daughter

I am student. I am an officer, a theater actress. I am cheerleader. I am critic, I am reader and a writer. I am an artist in my own ways. I am a dreamer of my own future. I am a dancer who can sing. I am a nature-saver. I am a lover, I am a friend. I am God's child. But above all, I am a Daughter.

I am an ordinary daughter. with an ordinary family, living in an ordinary world of mine. having an ordinary dream of becoming rich and living happily ever. see? my life is a cliche. and just like any other ordinary daughter, i want my parents to be happy and proud. most especially, my mom.

I am a student. A very good student. A consistent Honor Student since i was in first grade until i graduated. I like studying, though, i don't like reading much. every year, i gave her good sets of grades. I even made to the top 1 and graduated valedictorian of our batch. bcoz i know that will make her really happy and really proud. dahil hindi lahat ng parents ay maka-akyat sa stage para sabitan ang anak nia ng Gold Medal while everyone else was clapping. hearing her own daughter addressing the valedictory speech which not all the students can have the opportunity. seeing a very large medal hanging on her daughter's neck given by the Phil. President (GMA) and another large medal, smaller than the President's Medal but a bit larger than the usual medal, from the VP of the Philippines. I am an achiever.

Aside from being active inside the classroom, i am active also in curricular activities. I've been the President of the Student Council, they voted for me. I'm not just the geek achiever, but also a leader.

I have a strong personality. I joined the cat training course. I became a major(S3-Operation) when i was in 3rd year and a Lt. Col. (Corps Commander) in 4th year. I am the one initiates the form and who shouts "lumansag" at the end of each form. They call me Ma'am. I'm not just the geek achiever, not just a leader, but also a commander.
You may think na i'm a very good daughter, with these proud moments i gave her. but i think, i'm not. i'm not the so-good-daughter-that-doesn't-know-how-to-mess-up kid. the truth is, i mess up. i'm rebellious, i do bad things. i break her rules, i hurt her.

I remember a scenario. as far as my memory doesn't fail me this time, ito yata ung first time that i hurt her. I was just 8 or 9 at walang kuryente samin. It was dawn, the sun is about to set. I am a child, i like playing. Inaya ku ng mga frends ko maglaro, dahil walang ilaw walang magawa. so i went out. she was sick that time. and we're only three in the house. me, her, and my younger brother. bcoz she's sick, automatically i'm in charge of the house and of taking care of her. but, i chose to be outside, playing. that hurt her and she got mad at me. my very first time of sleeping outside the house. coz she wont let me in.

Ive hurt her before, i've hurt her RECENTLY, and i know i'm going to have mistakes and hurt her someday, or maybe sooner or later. she is a tough mother, tougher than you can think. ung kasabihan na "walang magulang na nakakatiis sa anak" doesn't work with her. i have proven it. but i know she's doing it in purpose. i will just be patient coz i know i'll thank her 1 day for all the panghihigpit she did. i'm not a vocal person, i don't say sorry and i love you for those people who deserve to hear it from me. and so when i say it, that's the time i really mean it.

TO HER: I'm thankful, I'm really sorry, and I love mom